bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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