And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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