Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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