What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
