Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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