The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
