yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
