did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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