i jhust puked up my retainher.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
