Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
