Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
