Tell her she can't have a vagina
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
