if i can run in heels then i can drive
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
