My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
