eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
