The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize