Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch