Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
