my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.