Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
