I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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