So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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