I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
