Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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