that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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