Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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