Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
