I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
