Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
