A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
