WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
