I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
