I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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