I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
