So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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