She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
