and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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