I want to walk on stilts...naked
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
