meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
