go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the day after is always just damage control
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
