so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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