You made me cry and you don't even care
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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