I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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