My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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