That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
