Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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