i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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