Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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