the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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