running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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