I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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