In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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