Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
