dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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