today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
