he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
