her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
a search helicopter?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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