Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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