This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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