im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bring me that man meat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
