I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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