I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
