I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
