would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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